I don't recall ever writing you a letter never mind a love letter, closest thing resembling this was a dear diary journal i kept when i was six till eight that pretty much said the same things everyday in the exception of holidays and knowing my dad will be back from hk for them. I can tell u this because i still have that diary with me. I guess by now you have come to know im a rather sentimental person that cherishes memories. That counts as a quality right?
I know i talk to you everyday aka metalanguage but even after all these years, as great the debater i trick myself to be, my greatest debate is my worthiness. Is being sentimental a quality or am i just being an emo kidult who PMSs?
And i guess i should tell you that you are worthy. I tell all my students everyone has their own kind of worthiness, and it is only a matter of how you share it with the world. Why hasnt this ever been told to you, myself, Airlie Maria Heung? Well you know what? I am gonna tell you now: you are worthy and actually you don't give yourself enough credit. You have a big heart. It's not gonna move mountains but it will try as hard as it can to make people around you feel happy and comfortable.
You are generous and charitable, even though you can't buy your family an apartment, u try to take care of them as much as u physically and mentally can. Your small donations will not stop all the issues outside the bubble you sometimes take for granted but the simple act of always reaching out to people you dont know as much as you can actually says a lot about you.
Your humor is pathetic but your laughter and smiles can be so stupid they become the joke instead.
You do not look like natalie portman or have the stamina to rock heels in lkf or skirts in the winter, but the fact that you are comfortable and confident about yourself desereves brownie points!
My point is, even though i have never said it before to you, and up till now i don't know why i have never, but...I love you, i really do, and even though this may feel sympathetic and pathetic at first, its the truth... i love you, me, myself and i. I should say i love you more often. Because you never hear it. And you need to hear it. I am sorry i have never said it before but i promise to u i will say it more often, maybe everyday.
Im sorry that sometimes i give up on you, im sorry that i pretend to be strong on the outside and make you feel uncomfortable. Im sorry that i dont put my health as my top priority, that must have hurt you.
I guess what i am trying to tell you, myself, is that i will try hard to love you more, protect you more, pay more attention to you.
I love you and happy Valentines day! You deserve it, don't let anyone say you don't.
We should do this more often. Anyhow luv ya
Me, Airlie
No comments:
Post a Comment