The Etymology of Thank YOUs around the world

"Thank you", one of the first words we learn in every language. Ng Guo, Duo Jie, Xie Xie, merci beau coup, muchas gracias, namaste. Why? Because human civilization values the time and effort of at least trying to do something, learn something, do a task, even if that person is by largely failing and only marginally succeeding. Thank you is a powerful motivator for human relationships to not only flourish but to also be productive. 

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the English word “thank” derived from the word “think” around 450AD. Up until this time, people would typically express their gratitude by saying: “I think of you kindly.” This evolved to become “I Thank You” which was then shortened to “Thank You” around the 14th century. That later became “thanks” and, by the 18th century, simply “ta”. 

The etymology of modern day "merci" is from Middle French merci, mercy, from Old French merci, from Latin mercēdem (“wages, fee, price”). 

In Chinese, Xie Xie is used as thank you in general. In Canton, Ng Gou is used to saying thanks for the favor whilst duo jie means thanks for the gift.

The word namaste comes from Sanskrit. It’s a combination of namas (“I bow”) and te (“you”), which literally translates to I bow to you (McBroom, 2023). If the first particle sounds familiar, that’s because it is also featured in the word namaskar (e.g., Surya Namaskar), which means “greeting” or “salute. ”In terms of pronunciation, the word namaste is broken down into three syllables: nah-mas-tay, with emphasis on the first syllable. Traditionally, namaste is a non-contact way of greeting someone, expressing gratitude, or showing one’s respect. Namaste is usually accompanied by Anjali mudra, with the palms pressed together at the center of the chest, close to one’s heart. To reflect on its literal meaning, the verbal greeting is performed with a respectful bowing of the head in the direction of the person you are speaking to.

In the context of yoga, namaste is usually spoken at the beginning or at the end of the class. When it is said at the start, namaste is a way to greet each other. A teacher saying it to a student (or students) can also use namaste as a way to convey that the students are welcome and accepted. At the end of the class, namaste has a different connotation. It’s an expression of appreciation and gratitude. It is customary for the teacher to thank the students for sharing their practice and opening their mind to the wonders of yoga. The students tend to echo the sentiment with their own namaste to express gratitude to the teacher for guiding them and to fellow students for sharing their space and energy.
Culturally, thank you is the most fundamental "magic word" you can use and start teaching a child to be a polite member of the family, society, be it a small community or eventually the ever globalizing world. And this kind of manners is not just verbal and superficial lip service, but to allow children to see adults saying thanks to one another a lot, is a good practice for a healthy and warm home to be developed. And if not, there's also the other magic word "sorry".
 
That's just Airlie's 2 cents into this.
xxx

Arrival Movie Review *Spoiler Alert* and Oscar bets

So I recently watched both Lala Land and Arrival. I saw the former first and thought its was remarkably dreamy and intriguing and for sure Emma Stones as well as the Damien Chazelle will win the Oscars (I still think so). But after watching Arrival which I heard mixed reviews, I actually feel it's a strong contender. And here's my two cents on it:

Screenplay adaptation and cinematography: First of all I haven't read the book (but shout out to the Chinese author Ted Chiang). Having said, how the whole narrative unfolded before our eyes was intricately orchestrated with remarkable details, high level of logic and robust architecture to the wholesome plot. The flashbacks that turned out to be the future was not hastily done at all but subtly and purposefully weaved in well. By the end of the movie, my jaw was just basically stuck to the floor and it was just left on the floor till the very end.

Acting: Amy Adams had a lot to work with here. She had to play a highly educated linguist who was slowly knowing the future and when she knew what was happening had to stay calm of how to save the world all in the midst of coming to terms that her daughter will die of cancer and her relationship with Ian will end of divorce. A bulk of her acting is a lack of words. She is either communicating with the aliens, having "flashbacks" of the past or in a collected manner figuring how to save the world. So it comes down to a lot her facial expressions which many times moved me. I don't know if it's because I am in a lot lesser sense a linguist and simply broody, but I can relate to a lot of her hand gestures and gazes. The difference with her acting vs Stones acting is that Stones had her pauses to let everything sink in vs Adams, she did not get that. But then again it could have been a director call to keep up with the pace of the story. Having said, I would say the acting was good.

What I do want to talk about in terms of this movie is the moral of the story as well as the political chips it has in terms of winning an Oscar in which we all know sometimes Oscars can get political and sometimes shocking. Was Revenent DiCaprio's best acting gig? No but in aggregate acting it was his time and the movie had a political message. So here's what I think about this years contenders: Lala Land obviously created a lot of talk and sends a beautiful message about always following our hearts whether it comes down to career or love. It's Singing in the Rain x Birdman x Whiplash. I agree it's great but what Arrival has is a big message of the world working together to restore order and make peace with "invaders". It is a subtle satire of the world we live in now which is we are more divided than ever about ISIS, we are divided about simple ideologies such as gun control, in which all we lack is a bit of patience and team work that we see in Adams character. She personifies not just knowledge but wisdom, patience, team work and courage.

I have yet to see some of the other movies nominated this year. And I have a strong feeling Lala Land will win best director, leading actress, cinematography, set design, original music score. Casey Affleck leading actor. Supporting Actress no doubt will be Viola Davis especially after the whole blacks being under represented last year, this will pacify them and to be honest she is good. Supporting Actor is really between Dev Patel and Mahershala Ali. Original screenplay is really between Lala land and Manchester by the Sea, but I have a feeling Oscars being Hollywood home ground they will give it to Lala land. Adapted screenplay although Lion has a lot of noise, again I feel Arrival is a strong contender too. Jackie will win costume. Animated film Zootopia. And so for the big trophy of best picture? It's really hard to make a solid bet. Like I said I loved Lala Land but Arrival kind of stole my heart by the moral of the story and political message, much like Hacksaw Ridge stole my heart from the trailer and has a strong story. Moonlight is also strong competition. Oscar sometimes likes to surprise us, especially when there are so many nominees this year, so we really never know.

Family and the Holidays

In a previous post I have talked about how family and relatives want to dictate the way you live. And I may have sounded all liberal and grand, but after a wedding and a winter solstice dinner, I have reflected...is it me? Am I the problem? Am I the bratty little one? Have I taken for granted the love that they as the last generation of Chinese disguise as nagging me? Or is my gut feeling of being genuine about my feelings on this blog right? Is my instinct of moving out at the age of 31, being closer to my day job so I have more time and privacy to do my night job--writing wrong? I still haven't figured out yet but I do think I should reevaluate the way I feel like my relatives are nagging and think of it as their way of caring. I mean if they didn't care they could have easily said nothing. But they said something, which takes effort and the risk of me being annoyed.

But one thing is for sure is that I really like family gatherings. However small they are. The people you don't get to see until the holidays and you catch up as if you just last saw them yesterday, is kind of really nice. I hope we keep up with that somehow.

This Christmas I am very much thankful for the many great things that happened that also gives hope to the future. So if you are feeling upset, let me tell you I have been there, but it is the holiday season, stop moping and pick yourself up and be grateful. Cause I sure am. Happy Holidays!

Life At This Point

As the semester and also 2016 comes to an end, I am left here sitting in my new home grading essays as well as pondering what goals should I aim for 2017. For most of my twenties I have loved to travel and yearned to travel even more. But as I have built a career and home I don't need to escape from, as well as my wanderlust satisfied for the past decade or so...I find my mind wandering and wondering about what else can I achieve? What other places can my career bring me? And for many years even before I started writing the manuscript of my novel I simply wished to be a published writer. That was the goal. But somehow that shifted recently. I still want to be published but I want it to be published in my way, a very socially corporate responsible way, and so I want to start my own publishing company. I want to adapt the model of:
1. Every time you buy a book, a book will go to a child who needs one
2. If you send in a second hand book, you can get a half price discount, that book again will go to a child who needs one.
Selling 3 manuscripts (novel, nonfiction and my short story and poems collection) as well as this business model is almost hard to achieve at all, much to say in the short future) so why shouldn't I start my own publishing company? With this business I also want to help the many writers who keep feeling rejected by the major publishing houses because their writing is not "commercial" enough. I want to create a publishing house that is not just printing money but printing heartfelt pages.

At this point in my life I also don't need to broaden my network at mixers because I know that if I really go through with this business model, I know the trusty friends I have whom I can contract as editor, designer, IT, tax advisor and legal advisor. I have been reading up whether LLC or S-corp will be a better business model, costs of publishing paper books and ebooks. I have even been fiddling with names for my publishing house. I think the more serious I get with this project, the more it would come true. It's like the self fulfilling prophecy I had for my novel. Telling myself I could do it, while I kept doing it made it come true.

Life at this point is about taking care of myself, my family, and giving back to the community that blessed me with their help. Life right now...is still going to be challenging (I wouldn't ask for any less of it). And life right now...is pretty damn good...=)

#GivingTuesday (It still is Tuesday on the other side of the globe)

An Epilogue, A Prologue

There has been a hollow part of me ever since I finished writing The Year I Turned 30. Writing that collection of essays felt like writing a journal that hopefully meant something. But now with the year finished, and hence the writing of it finished, I am often left feeling a lack of outlet for these cathartic feelings. While I continue to write in my journal it just doesn't surmount to the feeling of penning something for a greater audience and hopefully bigger cause.

But while I lament on the end of this least to say fun chapter, I am happy to start the new chapter of not only work in academia, but also spending more time on my novel. I was recently interviewed by my alma mater UWaterloo on my current endeavors. While exhilarated to talk about academia, I was glad they asked what was next for me, in which I gladly answered "finishing my novel". So cheers to a new year, and quite literally some new chapters!

An Airlie Quote A Day Keeps The Cynics Away

Life is beautiful when we make it beautiful, when we believe.

The Souls of Windows

Coming back to Hong Kong, the concrete jungle of Asia, I am reminded of the closeness we are with each other. Every time I look out into the building across my bedroom and glimpse into the lives in every window, I wonder what lives are being lived in them. Every flickering TV, glowing room, human walking around, people working at dimly lit desks, even the dark rooms in which you see nothing makes me wonder what is going on in those apartments. Is the next Einstein or Shakespeare in there studying or watching TV, getting inspiration? Is a couple making sweet love, creating the next Barack Obama? And when I hear piano tunes delivered to my apartment from either upstairs or downstairs, I think to myself, is that the next Chopin or Bach? Or are these people just ordinary people going on with their extraordinary lives? Are they the ones who make this kaleidoscope of human specimens so utterly beautiful? I don't know...and maybe I don't want to know...the beauty of it also lies in the mystery of it...But it is always intriguing to just sit down in my bedroom and "window gaze".

The Cyber World, Family, Freedom of Speech and Feminism

It's been less than two weeks since I have been back in Hong Kong and already have I been lectured by my family and apparently extended family behind my back that I am publically too opinionated and leave too many footprints on the internet.

What stemmed as a warning from my father and sister regarding my playful Facebook post recruiting a Latin dance partner became a long lecture in regards to what I post on Facebook, what my extended family thinks and my political rants. While I can understand their intentions mean well, I can't shake the feeling that our freedom of speech as simple as a humorous harmless post about a Latin partner reads as conspicuous, enough to jeopardize my job in academia. Are we living in the 19th century? Apparently what was supposed to be a post regarding me myself and no one else became a familial issue of extended relatives I no longer see.

The extension of this lecture was the condemnation on my political rants that more so than ever is open to the public to see. My family's concern being it will jeopardize not only my job but personal safety. While I defend myself saying if one day my words were that influential in the political arena that I were to be jailed or worse kidnapped, then at least my voice had it's effect and value. My family being a very traditional family of course did not understand my logic, but I can't help but compare the freedom of speech and values contrasting the east and the west. There is a stark and frightening difference in the two that worries me. What has the world I grew up in become of? A place that is not able to tolerate opinion? It does not seem to be the melting point of the east and west it used to be but rather the domination of conservative people.

Interestingly enough the notion of life goals surfaced, and while it was pointed out my opinionated personality will attract no suitor, I retorted that a man who cannot tolerate different opinions is not worthy to be my husband anyway. And while is was highlighted that no men would be able to tolerate me, and that it basically means I will have to learn to live the spinster life and focus on my career, I remain that that will be my choice, no regrets.

It however frustrates me to think that while we live in the 21st century, we still believe that women or should I say wives are to be submissive and wait to men's hand, feet and every need. While it is concluded that I will have no offspring and hence no daughter, I find it sad that future women are still conditioned to believe their roles are to obey and not raise their opinion, they should not voice their thoughts. Which led me to think, even if I will never bear my own children, I must one day adopt, adopt a daughter and make sure to raise her to be a critical, bright thinker rather than the factory duplicated women society has conditioned us to be. I shall fight that institute till the very end!

Asians in Hollywood

From Jacky Chan and Jet Li continuing Bruce Lee's footsteps but yet to play the real Romeo, to Lucy Liu and Jamie Chung playing the wingwomen in major works, and now Maggie Q having her own TV show; Chinese or Asians have fought hard and came quite far. But it just got started.

Earlier this year I started to watch Fresh Off The Boat, and I loved how us Chinese got to be the center of the stage, with our very own story. There are so many relateable things from that show, how you assimilate to a culture but also retain your roots in the all too stellar 90s.


Earlier this month I found out about the new TV show Into the Badlands, a production directed and starred familiar Hong Kong celebrities Daniel Wu and Stephen Fung. And as I read the transcript and videos of the interviews of the conception of the movie, I am amazed how they were able to take a Chinese traditional myth and mold it into something so relateable in the 21st century yet still highlight a lot of oriental roots. This show does have a lot of amazing martial arts scene but the beauty of the show is also the complexity of the plot and the character development; the many layers of strategic decisions made with every detail, from the setting and costume design to sound effects and music. This is a show that is really pushing Chinese in mainstream TV to a new peak.

And now here I am watching Indian and Chinese writers, Aziz Ansari and Alan Yang's creation of Master of None, a story about Asian millennials trying to survive in the 21st century New York City. Again it delights me to see Asians not only playing trivial support roles but being at the center stage. It also shows that we Asians are diverse too. We are not cookie-cut-out doctors and lawyers, nor do we only just know martial arts. Today, Asians are a variety of things, we are fun, we are funny, we are punny, we are artistic. And because we know how hard it is to break through those stereotypes, we respect diversity too.

Korean actor Ki Hong Lee is now starring in the major blockbuster The Maze Runner, and a really inspiring anecdote he shared in an interview is that he asked his mom if he can change his name to be more western for his acting career, and his mom gave the best answer. "You think Dostoevsky is an easy name to pronounce? But if you are good enough, people will want to learn how to pronounce your name. Make them learn." And that became his motivation to strive in the industry.

As of last night I heard Philip Ng is casted as Bruce Lee in an upcoming Hollywood blockbuster. Asians gaining recognition in Hollywood only just got started. Discussions just started to stir. And our role in these conversations should not only that we support them, but we also acknowledge we are all different and we should have that same support for the next Coco Lee, Amy Tan or Olivia Chow. This morning I received news from my friend Alex Chao who is a Cornell educated engineer took a leap of faith and with his friends started an acapella quartet called the Six Feet Barbershop.This is what pushes us to new heights. Taking a chance in what you believe.

However while we are different, we still celebrate similar values, such as being family-oriented, such as our beautiful language and thousands of years of history on literature, art, hell we have Confucius on our side. The goal now is to transcend our roots to be relevant in the 21st century arena. And I have a strong feeling we will be able to do this.

#notyourasiansidekick

Parenting Advice from a Non-Parent (Part Chinese and English)

好 loi 都無寫中文， 亦有感而發。很多人都知道我不識打中文，不過幸好有Cantoneseinput.com. 不過都希望大家不會笑我的中文，廣東話gap jap 書面語同 Chinglish 。

Lee 幾日放 term break, 除左 relax, 同準備搬家外，亦用左好多時間寫作，希望年底可以將小說同另外一本非小說寫好。寫的同時亦反省 30年來做 guo gei yeh......
中國人說: :"正心、修身、齐家、治国、平天下". 自己覺得首一二都是忠生的. "齐家" for 好多香港人黎講係結婚，生兒育女。Once upon a time, 我都甘諗。但係人大左，發現"齐家" 可以係孝順, also延伸 老吾老，以及人之老，幼吾幼，以及人之幼."治国、平天下" 好像遙不可能，不過其實不是。

香港人鍾意抱怨， 抱怨上樓，抱怨政改遲疑不決，亦說到自己為了民主精神上街. 不過同時亦不會覺得豪華婚禮 and prewedding pictures 是問題。Lately 仲有四十萬 proposal from a working class. 香港人抱怨香港係文化沙漠。甘又何時諗點解？有無反省？

Sorry, I used a whole hour to type that but for efficiency's sake I will have to type in English and shall insert Chinese when needed:
Coming to Canada to do my masters made me reflect a lot on myself, my family, my community both here in Waterloo and the bigger Ontario and Canada as well as Hong Kong, the bigger Asia and world issues. Reading about Marxism is delightful, but thinking about the two world wars torments me too. However reflecting on our capitalist society and mindset that our superpowers have been able to sustain and brainwash us is the way to do things, (in which yes meritocracy is fundamental to a society), but with corrupted minds and hidden agendas everywhere, there is no wonder poverty is not history, there is still war in the middle east, and yet we are thinking about mortgage and universal suffrage. Why?

We let politicians talk around things.

We let the media talk around things.

We talk around things.

There is no debate on whether poverty needs to be fixed just as much as if war needs to stop.

Stop debating on what is the best way.

War for peace is a fallacy a four year old can understand.

Poverty to be history is not a Disney movie with "Let them eat" as their theme song. 

When we grinde ourselves to work on a job we don't love 9-5, or for some 75 hours a week, just so you can buy that Mercedes and that big apartment, you will want more. You will want the next title, you will want a bigger house, you will want the newest Prada bag, you will want your next trip to Paris. And then fifty years will go by and you will ask yourself: Was I happy? and the answer might be yes I was happy. And you may feel you have no problem dying that way. But if you don't fight the system, and you keep working for that system, don't complain about it. Because I wouldn't.

Some people may think I have been privileged from living in Canada as a kid and the opportunity to come back again. But how many do you know the hardships my parents went through as immigrants? They work 10 times harder than anyone. And that is one thing I will never forget in my life. I am not entitled to anything. I certainly worked very hard learning Chinese at the age of 9, and God knows how hard I worked to come back here. I certainly worked hard to get into the high school I got into. And even then I did not slack, in the contrary I strove to be the "best", to have my niche. But you will never be the "best". You might be in your tiny little high school or tiny little community, but there is a world of humble, constantly learning and reflecting people out in the world who truly want to make a change, one volunteer at a time. There are people who want to make a difference, one tweet at a time. That's what I choose to do. At least I know this for now. I was once lost, but I am now found.

And here's where the parenting comes in:
I am no parent, but I am a daughter, and I was and most probably will be a teacher again. Growing up in Mississauga, my parents were constantly at work, working 2-3 jobs at the same time. A degree in Econ from Waterloo makes no difference, as a minority in the 80s, you have to work your way up, if that means managing a McDonald's franchise and work another job as well, that's just how it is.

When recent Hong Kong parents ranging from middle class to upper push their 2 year olds into playgroups, I reflect on how I was brought up and how my parents were super parents, and I turned out, well let's just say not too shabby (there might have been many hiccups here and there, but we got there).

My mom never pushed us to learn anything. The cycling classes from my dad and swimming classes my mom overlooked was vague memory except that it was too joyous not to accept. Naturally, I became very fond of swimming. I will leave that for another blog. But even piano classes, Chinese calligraphy, horse riding, dance classes and French class was all out of my own interest. I did not stick with piano, and my Asian mom had no problem with that, though my teacher said "She has rhythm and fidgets a lot, she might be better off as a dancer." That strict Russian teacher whom I do not even remember her name was quite right. Dancing has been a big part of my life, i danced as early as I can remember to random pop tunes by Aaron Kwok and Sandy Lam in the 90s. I kept dancing to Britney and Beyonce in high school, I cheerleaded, and eventually Latin dance and some jazz classes were introduced into my life. Despite it not being a major part of my life anymore, I don't see the residue of it going anywhere. In fact it sparked my undergraduate dissertation. And I still have my dance shoes. Dancing has inspired many of my writing both verses and prose.

Having taught in playgroups, kindergartens, elementary tutorial and high schools both local and international, I see a wide range of students of all forms and personalities. I interact with many parents, all reasonably want the very best for their children. And when I try to picture the people they will turn into, I am often overwhelmed with all the possibilities, but also overwhelmed at what their parents would expect of them. Doctors, lawyers, bankers, accountants, engineers, nursing to the very least. But hopefully some of them get to choose to study psychology not because they want to go into HR but because they are interested in the human mind and wants to pursue a PhD in it, or they will choose to study fine arts, not because they want to teach but because they want to be a painter or curator.

At the end of the day, what you need to do as a parent is not give them building blocks, or even direct them how to build, but teach them the important personality characteristics that will get them to build whatever they want to build, in whatever shape and form. They will find their own ways of finding those building blocks and their own ways of using them. Once my sister and I knew how to swim, we didn't go off to Thailand and Bali to "practice" in the pools there. We stayed in Hong Kong to enjoy the fun of swimming. My mom did not buy me books galore to keep at home as a kid, instead she brought my sister and I to the library every weekend to explore for hours. She herself would get lost in child development books and cook books. She never said "read this zoo book" she let us choose whatever we want.That's how I fell in love with Anne of Green Gables and The Winds in the Willow amongst other reads. That's how I found what I wanted to do for life: Write Right.

Let your children find their own paths, be the role model of diligence and persistence. Once myy sister and I got into high school and can go to school by ourselves, help with ironing uniforms and occasionally dishes, my mom took a course to learn new computer skills. And she has been reintegrated into the workforce ever since. At the end of the day, showing your children you work hard, as well as giving them responsibilities is  they will remember is what really counts. Along the way they might pick up some useful shortcuts, some which will get them to places faster, some may be dangerous and harm them. But letting them have the liberty to choose gives them no excuse but to stand up and keep going until they get to their bright destinations they fought so hard for. And trust me, they will thank you.

Chapter 37 The Universe and God

Here is a sneak peek to one of the chapters for the nonfiction book I am working on: (and no those photos will not be in the book, it's just for the blog)

"So I was watching one of Amy Schumer’s sketch the other day. It was mocking Caucasian women always relating the smallest coincidences in life to hints from the universe. As I laughed at how absurd it sounded, I also reflected on how much I was the same. As you all read my chapter on the pink balloon. For a split second I did want to believe it meant something. Even if logically speaking it was not the universe telling me that there is still hope in love, I just wanted to believe that. I needed to believe that.

And reflecting on my religious beliefs, I only came to be more pious two years ago, and started to go to church every Sunday (or as many Sundays as I can, it’s dedication man, and if you were out with your girls on a Saturday night, it takes a lot more conviction to wake up, not to mention slaving away studying). But the reason I still believe in God or the universe, is not because I think my mere steadfastness or my prayers will easily heal all my problems. But contrarily, my belief is in a way a reflection system I have in my brain about my life. Bible passages and homilies are things that remind me of what kind of life I wish to live, and how to live it. It is the fuel to my belief system that humanity has a purpose.

When people see that I have a photo frame that has the words “Believe” arched over three photos propped on my desk, I always wish I can tell them in a sentence what it really means, rather than saying “It encompasses a lot of things, believing in myself, believing in God, in my dreams, in my values” I wish I could tell them that it is part of my simple belief system that pushes me day in and out to be a better person.

So when I tell myself everything happens for a reason like the so-called white girls say, or when I say I believe in God’s grand plans, I am not saying I believe in small coincidences, but rather I am saying that I believe that my wisdom can never be compared to His wisdom. I recently found a blogger worth my attention called Jen Glantz, and as I read her blog about graduating from college and the things she went through these five years, I couldn’t help but share her sentiment. More importantly she pointed out a very important lesson I learnt as well: once life gets comfortable, it will have a way of reminding you, that’s not what life is about, that life is about challenges and being resilient.

The reason I am bringing this up in this context is that even though you think you are the driver in the car of your life, you are not the one who is steering, because God may frown upon you texting and decide you need a little lesson, and give you a pothole to wake you up or a road bump to slow you down. He does not talk to us, but he will have his ways in showing us the true meaning of life. Whether that comes in the form of small coincidences or in my case realizing why bad things have happened to me in life to make me a better person. God’s plans are beyond our understanding and power to change. We may be able to work harder at our 9-5 job and get a raise, but the economy can change any minute, a family member can be gone at a split of a second. If we do not value the things that should be valued in life, it can be taken away from us in seconds. The only constancy in life is love.  Trust me on this one." 

Men Taking Up Their Wives Surname

So apparently Zoe Saldana's husband has taken up her surname after they got married and has stirred a viral controversy that digs up men who has taken the same "novelty".

Us Chinese are known to be rather conservative and patriarchal, yet it is interesting the west does not know that men taking up a women's surname is no novelty. For many dynasties, when a family of wealth cannot reproduce a male heir, the father will buy a husband to take the family's surname. This seemingly matriarchal custom, is in fact the contrary. The fathers' of both families are ultimately the decision makers of these arranged marriage perpetuating this patriarchal decision as well as belief in lineage of their ancestral name.

Growing up with the surname Heung in Mississauga ON has never led me to question my lineage. Moving back to Hong Kong, I grew to understand Heung is not a common surname. I also grew to know the fore mentioned accustom in ancient China. Yet as a girl of ten years old, I never questioned why we had the same custom the western world had too. Having said, growing up in a family of many girls but only two male cousins, has always left uncertainty to my families lineage, one that I thought I had no control of.

However, as a Heung, I was always proud to be one. Heung connotes so many positive and homy concepts for me: first and fore most, everyone can think about aroma. Then, for me it also connotes the "Hong" in "Hong Kong" which is where I spent my teenage years and most of my twenties. And thirdly, the translation of tulips into English pronunciation is "wut gum heung", and tulips have always had an dear relation to me. I still recall when my grandmother lived with us for some time in Mississauga, she would plant tulip bulbs in the front lawn, and they were the most beautiful flowers I saw as a little girl. I also recall going to Niagra Falls in the spring with my grandma when the tulips blossomed everywhere. Perhaps that is why I have always been cautious of how I smell, and my love for nice eau de parfum, aroma therapeutic candles or oil massages. In short being "Heung", has and still is important to me. It is why I named my blog: Allyheungkong.

When considering this surname issue, I pondered on the great names in the western world that has died out. Naturally I thought of the Bard, Shakespeare. Did he have children? Yes. Why did the lineage die out. Precisely because of the controversy we have right now. Does carrying on only the men's surname imply their names are the only one's worth carrying on? What does that say about our humanity? Because right now, it is not a matter of norm and equality, I think we already have reached a verdict that it is a question worth thinking about. But how are we to approach this subject? How are we to weigh whose surname is more worthy? What do customs and norms mean? How are we to eliminate stigma? While I wish I know how to answer these questions, I have to admit, I don't. But I am happy that equality has taken a step forward and our world is not a world of Game of Thrones (to the fans of GoT #sorrynotsorry).

While this controversy arises, it is celebratory it has arose at a time women empowerment is at full speed. Merely days ago did we receive the news that Nigeria has banned female genital mutation (FGM). If we can bond together and create steadfast beliefs, robust persistence to stand our grounds and the courage to fight for it, then the gender wage gap will be history, child marriage will be extinct, and our daughters will be able to raise their heads up high with full confidence, our world will be a more beautiful place.

Maleficent-- A Utopian satire I truly enjoyed

I was hesitant about watching Maleficent as it didn't look like a merry movie neither am I an Angelina Jolie fan. I however must say I very much liked the movie. The movie as most of those who've seen it would know, is a perfect Utopian satire of our world.

It reminded me, whether it is the US against Iraq, whether it's Occupy Hong Kong against China, the capitalists against socialists, homosexuals against anti-homosexuals, Jennifer Aniston against Angelina Jolie, moral of the story is quite the same: everyone has their side of the story, be it righteous like Maleficent or not just like King Stefan, there will always be ways to right the wrongs. It might be with the help of the unsung-heroines (the three fairies) or the misunderstood villain turned heroine Maleficent, but either way it takes empathy, a virtue that is often underrated in our society. There is often no monetary or even intangible reward to it. But if more people were able to embrace this virtue, world peace will not be something a Miss USA contestant will hope for or an unattainable heaven we can only dream and hope to be in, but rather our reality we all enjoy and need not fight for, where people eat berries and climb trees, and thieves are not punished but simply asked to give the stolen object back to its home. Sounds like a challenge?

Well with all the internet challenge fad going on, why don't we start now with this one: I challenge everyone to write down in your journal everyday one thing you did out of empathy, one only, it doesn't necessarily have to be something big, it can be a small thing you did. Remember it in your heart and that warm fuzzy feeling it came with and how proud you are about yourself, cause like Hugh Grant the UK Prime minister (in Love Actually lol) said Love is actually all around.
Peace out everyone!=)

Walk the Talk

Inspired by a colleagues speech on another coworker leaving, i was of course not surprised he praised this colleagues ability to talk the talk and walk the walk, but today i realized something about walking.

Ever since high school, I would keep my timetable busy because it made me feel a. Accomplished and b. I didnt waste time. Lunch usually was 20 min actual eating, 40 min studying, or on other days it could be 40 mins thinking about choreography and debating. My form 6 (year 12) Saturdays looked like this: 9-12 french class in Jordan, 1:30-2:30 dance class in Yau Ma Tei, and then I'd go back to Taipo to tutor a form 4 family friend Englsih from 4-5. Occasionally going to universitiy fairs. Mind you my parents never drove in Hong Kong so basically I did that all by myself. I'm not gonna throw in the yoga and jogs but you get the gist. This was maintained for a year before I went to form 7 (year 13). And by this time I have mastered the art of "standing and studying" on the mtr as well "walking and studying", in which I'll try now finally to get to my point...

Ever since I started the school year 2013-2014, I had a few goals for myself: a. Establish a reputation at Island School whether it's within the Special Needs department or with the debate team b. Get into grad school, so studying for my test, writing my essay and getting all the references and documents c. Save up money for grad sch. And to do that I used up a whole lot of time and energy and saw myself saying more and more to my students, let's "walk and talk" (about a debate or public speech that we've just talked about for the past hour and 45 mins after school, so we can catch the bus). Today getting off my part time editorial work, I bought Mcdonalds from Queens Road Central and "walked and ate" by the time I got to the pier I finished a whole meal. Did it feel great? Physically, no, Mcdonalds itself is bad enough for dinner but eating and walking is worse. But mentally it felt great.Because it felt like I ticked off dinner and walking to the pier at the same time, giving me the time to blog this epiphany on the bus home.

I used to often wonder "Do I just the talk about not giving into the money world of Hong Kong, how I love literature and would do anything to teach lit or be a published author? All the shit I talk about pursuing my dream? Or not settling for a certain type of guy? That I don't walk the walk?" 

Today I just realized i have metaphorically and literally "Talked the talk and walked the walk" I talk about and believe in my dreams. And I will "walk and study", "walk and talk about debates" and "walk and eat my dinner."

Life is like a walk in the park, everyone knows that clichè. But I guess I'm that person who walks and does, I multitask till i suceed. And I love being that tenacious person. Do random people blog their epiphanies on the hour long bus ride home at 8:30? Skimming the upper deck probably not. There are either people dozing off or people playing candy crush. Sometimes I wonder if they feel like zombies but sometimes I wonder am i just wired differently? Don't get me wrong, I watch Jimmy Kimmel and Ellen Degeneres quite religiously and shamefully on youtube during some rides, but when I hit a moment of truth, I am desperate to write it down.

I just want to say, I love what I'm doing, even though no one really reads my blogs. I'm glad I have achieved my goals and on top of that found myself two and a half summer jobs, the editorial which I am very delighted to get back into, teaching the summer English camps with ESF and some private tutoring. I will keep being the tenacious talk-and-walk-and-talker that I am wired to be quite proudly, yet cautiously of my health.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's normal to doze off or candy crush on the bus, but I just hope the story behind  them are more than office jobs they dread everyday for moments of vanity.

I Don't Ask for Anything, but Should I?

When I start seeing someone, I don't really ask for anything too much... someone who can hold up a conversation, as well as being semi-sensually stimulating; I don't ask for fancy candlelit dinners or bouquets. I just want to be with someone I can feel comfortable with, someone who can tell me I'm perfect for him even though I'm flawed, but brings the best out of me. I don't ask for Tiffany bracelets or Chanel bags. I just want someone to treat me with love, patience and respect. I don't need trips to Seychelles or Maldives. I don't need diamond rings or fancy weddings. I just need four letters, L.O.V.E. three words "I love you", I just need two synchronized hearts and one monogamous relationship.

Is that a lot to ask for? Should I be asking for more? Am I not worthy of that? Or am I just giving that out too much or in the wrong way? They also say "The greatest thing about life is to love and be loved in return." What if you just love, but never get it in return? I hate it when they say "Don't hate the game, hate the player." But aren't the players part of the game? And why is love a game?

Sometimes I get confused who was proud and who was prejudiced, in Jane Austen's finest work. Elizabeth Bennet or Mr. Darcy? In modern age, how do we tell the difference between George Wickham and the almost extincted Mr. Darcy?

Hypocrisy disturbs me...

While I am ambivalent about leaving Hong Kong for grad school in University of Waterloo (Ontario, Canada) this September...I am relieved about the hypocrisy I will be leaving behind, as well as ecstatic to return to somewhere more laid back and at the same time intellectual. Hong Kong has served me well enough time to teach me my Chinese roots, the language, the history, the literature, the traditions, the culture. But a metropolitan like this isn't made for someone as sentimental as me, at least...not for now...

So while I bid my adieu here, I open my arms with the curiosity of a child, not only to take in more knowledge, but also a heart to understand life and what I want to pursue, how I chase after it, and who I want to do that with.

Wish me luck!=)

An open love letter to myself

Dear Airlie,

I don't recall ever writing you a letter never mind a love letter, closest thing resembling this was a dear diary journal i kept when i was six till eight that pretty much said the same things everyday in the exception of holidays and knowing my dad will be back from hk for them. I can tell u this because i still have that diary with me. I guess by now you have come to know im a rather sentimental person that cherishes memories. That counts as a quality right?

I know i talk to you everyday aka metalanguage but even after all these years, as great the debater i trick myself to be, my greatest debate is my worthiness. Is being sentimental a quality or am i just being an emo kidult who PMSs? 

And i guess i should tell you that you are worthy. I tell all my students everyone has  their own kind of worthiness, and it is only a matter of how you share it with the world. Why hasnt this ever been told to you, myself, Airlie Maria Heung? Well you know what? I am gonna tell you now: you are worthy and actually you don't give yourself enough credit. You have a big heart. It's not gonna move mountains but it will try as hard as it can to make people around you feel happy and comfortable. 

You are generous and charitable, even though you can't buy your family an apartment, u try to take care of them as much as u physically and mentally can. Your small donations will not stop all the issues outside the bubble you sometimes take for granted but the simple act of always reaching out to people you dont know as much as you can actually says a lot about you. 

Your humor is pathetic but your laughter and smiles can be so stupid they become the joke instead.

You do not look like natalie portman or have the stamina to rock heels in lkf or skirts in the winter, but the fact that you are comfortable and confident about yourself desereves brownie points!

My point is, even though i have never said it before to you, and up till now i don't know why i have never, but...I love you, i really do, and even though this may feel sympathetic and pathetic at first, its the truth... i love you, me, myself and i. I should say i love you more often. Because you never hear it. And you need to hear it. I am sorry i have never said it before but i promise to u i will say it more often, maybe everyday. 

Im sorry that sometimes i give up on you, im sorry that i pretend to be strong on the outside and make you feel uncomfortable. Im sorry that i dont put my health as my top priority, that must have hurt you.

I guess what i am trying to tell you, myself, is that i will try hard to love you more, protect you more, pay more attention to you.

I love you and happy Valentines day! You deserve it, don't let anyone say you don't. 

We should do this more often. Anyhow luv ya

Me, Airlie