Have you ever...

Have you ever felt jealous, and then realize you have no right to be because he is not your boyfriend, that you two have fallen so apart you don't have the right to even casually ask him "how are you and xxx lately?" Have you ever felt the agony of sitting there wondering about it the whole time? Have you ever felt stupid about the simple thought of him, trying to push away every conversation you ever had every memory ever encountered? Have you ever tried rationalizing why you two aren't meant to be yet failed to do so?